Because I knew you, I have been changed for good...

One day, almost ten years ago, this man came into my family's life. His name was Walter Evans and he changed our lives forever and for good. My mom was formerly married to my father for over twenty-four years, and he was never very remarkable. After the heartache of divorce, my mother was very sad and lonely. But one day, Walter Evans saw her one day at Second Presbyterian church, and told a co-worker that he wanted to marry her. This was before even exchanging any words. My mom and he began dating soon after and were married on December 7, 2002. Walt, as he was affectionately called by Mom, my brothers, and me, was like someone sent from heaven. He was a model husband and father, and he never spoke a mean word about anyone. As strange as I am, he seemed to understand me like no other. For my mom, he provided a joyous love that she had never experienced. And for my brothers and me, he was the father we had always longed for.

And yet, the good die young and miracles don't seem to last. Walt died on Friday morning of a heart attack. We thought we were invincible and perfect, and this passing has seemed to shatter that image. But I am happy to have known him. His impression on me will last for the rest of my life, as well as the many lives he touched.

Yesterday, we held a beautiful memorial service for Walt at the church where he worked, St. Matthews Baptist Church. My brothers talked about him and I sang a hymn for him. There was a beautiful poem read, which talked about flying, because he loved airplanes so much. And now, I believe he is flying high above us, in the clouds. At the end of the service, there was a slide show with pictures of his life. This song from the musical "Wicked" provided appropriate background music:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
[For Good lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood


Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good

So, I just want to say thank you to Walt, for everything that you have done in this life. I will always love you.

This seemed like a harmless quiz

It is wicked cold today. I'm actually writing in this again. It's been a long time, but the reason cannot be explained in this blog.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? wrapping paper, but no ribbon, because little Morgan will eat it

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial-- again, the cat would probably try to eat the tree

3. When do you put up your tree? This year, I put the tree up on November 28, a little early

4. When do you take the tree down? my mom used to take the tree down Jan. 6th, but it will be earlier for me

6. Favorite gift rec'd as a child? Felicity, an American Girl, or Sega genesis

7. Do you have a nativity scene? yeah, but again, I can't put it on display for fear of the cat

8. Hardest person to buy for? Brian, no, actually Brian's dad, Andy

9. Easiest to buy for? any female

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I've gotten some bad gifts from my mom in the past, but the worst gift I got was Britney Spears' perfume. I actually cried when I received it. This was around the time she was going commando and not putting her kid in a carseat. Yes, the gift was from Brian.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

12. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone 1 and 2, Christmas Vacation

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? This year, I bought all of my presents for the Louisville clan before Thanksgiving. Now I just have to finish the Mass. clan.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Ummm, yeah, and my mom has a lot.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I used to love this honey-baked ham my aunt bought every year. Christmas stollen from panera bread

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? White lights

17. Favorite Christmas song? In the Bleak Mid-winter, Of the Father's Love Begotten, Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Well, my home is not really here, but I can't go home this year.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? what she said

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? a star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? too much annoying Christmas music-- Bob Seger's version of "Little Drummer Boy," anything by Mannheim Steamroller, and that song about that man with the bag

23. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color? no

24. What do/did you leave for Santa? ummm, we might leave some cat treats this year

Happy Holidays!

Two day trips in Massachusetts

I’m quite exhausted after this fun weekend with my mom. She flew into the Providence (Rhode Island) airport on Friday night at 8:45 pm. Initially, she was going to arrive at 11 p.m. and then at 7:30, but anyway, that is a whole other story and the good thing is she got a free ticket on Northwest airlines to come visit again! We came back to my apartment and she met Morgan for the first time and adored her, as we do. On Saturday, it was raining, and we set off for Sturbridge, Massachusetts, at 9 am. Sturbridge is a small town about an hour west of Marlborough, which has a lot of tourist appeal because there are several antique stores and a place called Old Sturbridge Village, which is a quaint historical village where buildings have been relocated from other places (notably Connecticut and also towns in Massachusetts) to resemble a town in the 1830’s. I remember that Professor Green once said it was like Disneyland. Anyway, it’s a cute place (although not exactly historically accurate) and Mom enjoyed going for the day. We saw a play at one of the homes and were able to give our feedback on it, so that was something different. After we left OSV, we went to the Publick House (where I was once thinking about having my wedding) in search of seafood chowder. We didn’t find any there nor at the Sturbridge Baking company, but we did get a chicken wrap, cupcakes, and a whoopee pie. Mom and I went back to Marlborough at four, picked up Brian and then went over to the Wayside Inn (where we are getting married), the Marlborough Country Club (Mom said it smelled) and the Wildwood Steakhouse (we want to have the after-wedding dinner there). Anyway, we ended up going to the Wildwood later for dinner with Gretchen and Andy and I had monkfish for the very first time, which was great (the fish resembles a lobster in texture and somewhat in taste). I hope that Brian’s parents like my parents, and I know my mom is too talkative at times, but I think that is okay.



After a totally restless night of sleep (being awoken by Mom’s yelling at the UK/UL football game and my constant thinking at night), we woke up at six am and got ready to go to Martha’s Vineyard. I was really excited about going anyway, and I was fine throughout the day. Martha’s Vineyard is one of the two main islands located south of Cape Cod, Mass. The other island is Nantucket. Both islands are populated (in the summer only) by very wealthy people (including many celebrities) and their families. However, there are still people who live in the islands all year round, and living there is becoming very expensive. Anyway, the only way to get to the islands is by boat or plane, so we took a forty-minute ferry ride from Falmouth, Mass. to Oak Bluffs, on Martha’s Vineyard. When we got there, we decided to take a bus tour around the island. First, we walked around in Oak Bluffs, and went shopping and sightseeing. There is a Methodist settlement containing many homes, which are called Gingerbread cottages. They are very colorful and have interesting lattice work on them. We got on the bus around 11:30 and toured the entire island, which took about two hours. Also, we stopped in the middle of the tour at Aquinnah, formerly the Gay Head Cliffs, which are these amazing cliffs on the west side of the island. The view was amazing. There are also nude beaches on this part of the island…haha. The tour was interesting and even though obviously intended for tourists, I’m glad we went. Heck, I am a tourist and sort of am proud of it. Paul will forever make fun of me because every time I go to New York City, I look like one. Oh well. I will never wear a fanny pack again. Before departing the island, mom and I finally found our bowl of seafood chowder, well, actually, lobster bisque, and then got back on the ferry to go back to the mainland, or "going to America" as the locals call it.

Mom left for home on Monday afternoon. I miss her a lot now. It is always nice having a guest come and visit.

A nice trip home...

Well, I never did report on my trip to Kentucky, but I will give a summary. I flew on Northwest airlines, which could be a mistake, but I guess it could have been worse, so I won’t complain. The airline is just having some problems this summer. Anyway, I arrived home on Wednesday, Aug. 15th at 10:30, about two hours late. On Thursday, I had brunch with my sorority sister and friend (because I can’t say that about all of my s.sisters, especially one who married my ex), Dena at Mimi’s Café, a wonderful place for breakfast, went to see Katherine at Value Market, saw Butterscotch (the kitten) at mom’s office, and received a lovely pedi and mani in a shade of fuchsia. That evening, my family and I went to Havana Rumba (my favorite restaurant ever!) and I went over to my high school friend Deirdre’s new condo in Prospect. Friday, mom and I got an early start and went to several bridal shops, where I was very embarrassed because like everyone saw my breasts (I hate bridal dressing rooms sometimes), and none of the dresses fit. Now, I know that people are skeptical about David’s bridal, and I can be a bit pretentious myself, but at least they had dresses that fit me. I see the practicality of having dresses in only one size (normally, a 10), but when they are smaller and one cannot fit into the dress, then how can one decide whether or not this is her “dream dress?” So, I was able to try one on at David’s Bridal in my size (?) and it was nice. Yes, I am wearing a tea length dress because I want to and I can show off some fabulous shoes wearing the dress. I am very picky and this wedding is going to be different, and that makes me very happy. Also, I don’t want to wear a veil, period. My mom was nice enough to buy the dress; I wasn’t expecting her to do that and so, it was a sweet surprise. That night, I went over to my friend Stephanie’s house to meet her new daughter, Ella, and go to dinner. We ate at Chili’s, which I love, but some people question. Why, I’m not sure. Anyway, then I met with Celeste and her new boyfriend on 4th Street Live.

Unfortunately, I was ill for the rest of the weekend but I just kept going. My throat was sore for two days and I had a cold, which I gave to Brian later on last week. Saturday, I had to go to a family get –together in Lexington, which was fun, but I was tired and had to talk a lot. That night, Graham had a party for Sarah because she just graduated with her Ph.D. in clinical psychology. They had barbeque and everyone sat outside. Also, Sarah got a puppy from her dad for her birthday. It’s a Puli (a Hungarian sheepdog), and it is so cute. His name is Muggsy and he is black and furry. He’s a very hyper dog who likes to play. There were some neighborhood kids at the party who really liked playing with Muggsy. Sunday, I met Katherine and Eric for breakfast at the Cracker Barrel and then I went to their house to see their new cat, Jack, whom they adopted from my mom. Jack is Butterscotch’s brother, and I met their mom also, Spotty. They are all adorable. I then returned to Grandad’s to pack and say goodbye and then met my friend Nora for coffee. I was introduced to Nora through Matt Lawson, who played trumpet with Brian at the University of Louisville. Nora and Matt used to date, but they broke up a while ago. I believe I’ve talked about her in the past. She sent me this package of all this nice stuff a few months ago, and she is very smart and well-read. I enjoy being around her because we have a lot to talk about. Lastly, mom, Walt, Graham, Sarah, and I went to look at the Louisville Slugger museum as a reception site for Brian and me. However, I don’t really think it’s for me. I think that we will probably have the reception at a country club. So, that was the trip. I hope I didn’t say that that the summary would be short!!

It’s been hot in our apartment and next summer, I am begging to get air conditioning. Oh, Brian got a job last week in Ashland, Mass., which is about twenty minutes away from Marlborough. We are both really happy and relieved because he will be making a good salary. And after next month, he is paying all the rent, which means I can start to really pay down those student loans and my goal is to pay off my car before the wedding next year. I can’t wait! Also, we can really start to plan the wedding now.

We saw two movies this weekend so that we could stay out of the heat and we went to a Terrence Blanchard show at the Regatta Bar in Cambridge. The two movies were I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry and The Bourne Ultimatum. I wasn’t really impressed with either one of them and almost fell asleep in the latter. I went to the gym on Sunday and watched a lot of TV. Yes, I know that it is considered bad, but I do it anyway. I watched a marathon of the Rock of Love episodes I haven’t seen. Jes or Sam better win! I really can’t stand Lacey or Heather (although Heather is better than Lacey), so I hope they get kicked off soon.

Also, I am still reading the Harry Potter series and I am currently on The Goblet of Fire, the fourth book. So far, it is my favorite book and I’m only about a fifth of the way into it. Because I check out so many books, the librarian asked me if I read at work. I wish that I could sometimes.

I am trying out a new choir tonight in Southborough. They are called the Assabet Valley Mastersingers and they seem to have a nice repertoire. I was in the Sounds of Stow chorus last year and I may go back, but this other chorus has an open rehearsal tonight, so I want to try it out for that reason. Also, they have a chamber choir and although I may not be good enough for it, I can always ask about that opportunity as well.

It’s birthday week and I am excited! But I will be twenty-five, oh no!! Brian and I are going out to eat on Thursday, but I’m not sure where yet. I would love to go back to The Melting Pot, but Brian doesn’t really like it. If anyone in the area would like to go, let me know. It’s awfully expensive though, but great for dessert. Mary, I think there is a location in Burlington or around there. Fondue rules!

Brian’s parents are having us over for dinner next Sunday, so that may be a birthday event, too. Yes, I have a birthday week; it is a little narcissistic, but really fun.

Maine Weekend

Well, we did end up having a good time in Maine, even though the trip was cut short because of Brian's interview at Tewksbury High School for a band teaching position. Although initially upset by this, I got over it and now embrace my extra time at home. So, on Saturday, I worked at the credit union in the morning and we left for Maine at 3:00. Portland is really a short drive from here, about two hours. It was a pretty town, on the harbor. We parked, walked around for a little bit, drank beers, and then realized we weren't in the hip part of town any longer, so we drove over to Old Port and parked in a garage. We walked around for a while, ate dinner at an Irish pub, where I actually commented that it was sad they only played U2 and the Cranberries. Of course, I love U2, but I'm sure they could have played other Irish music (Perhaps Thin Lizzy, Van Morrison, Celtic Woman? ). Anyway, our dinner was really good: I had fried haddock and chips, mixed pub and sweet potato, and Brian had a lobster roll; we shared steamers as well. After dinner, we walked around into lots of shops and I bought a few knicknacks-- postcards, maple syrup, candies.

Anyway, apart from that, we drove up to Pownal, next to Freeport, and set up our tent in the Bradbury Mountain State Park. This time, we had an air mattress, which was much better for our backs than sleeping on the ground. The next day, I woke up fairly early (like today as well) and took a shower in the nicest shower I have ever been to at a campground. The only problem, the camp had latrines instead of toilets and they weren't anywhere near the shower house. Although, the latrines were very nice and had toilet paper and anti-bacterial gel. Okay, enough about toilets. Brian and I drove to Freeport for breakfast at Friendly's and then went to the huge L.L. Bean store to shop. I bought my mom a skirt, Grandad a calendar, and a scented hot pad (?) for us. It smells like balsam fir pines. Brian bought a shirt and a belt for himself. Freeport has really capitalized on the outlet market, so we went to a few more stores. Brian wanted to go to the art museum (as did I ), so we drove back down to Portland and went to theirs, which is a jewel of a museum. They had a nice collection of Winslow Homers and some very different modern art. The Portland museum even had a special Frank Lloyd Wright furniture/architecture exhibit. Very neat. Next, we decided to go back to the state park to do a little hiking. It was quite nice, even though the first hike up the "mountain" wore me out a bit. That night, we drove back into Freeport and had dinner at a barbeque place, which was great, and they even made blueberry bbq sauce! Back at the campground, we roasted marshmallows, Brian took a nap, and I read the second Harry Potter novel. I'm not done yet, but I'm almost finished.

Brian had his interview at Tewksbury high school yesterday and I hope it went well. I have my fingers crossed. We returned home and it rained sporadically throughout the day. I was pretty tired and my stomach hurt, but I did walk at the gym for an hour. We were going to go to see the Bourne Ultimatum, but I was too tired.

Today, we're going to Naragansett beach again. I like living close to the ocean.

Vacation week...

I'm really looking forward to our trip today and for this whole week. I know that in the aforementioned post, I was very pessamistic. I'm hoping to change my tune.

Another Thursday...

Although my life seems to be going in the right direction, I have been struggling lately. When you don’t have faith in anything but yourself (and in my case, very little of that), often it is hard to rely on other people. I don’t really talk about religion often, but I find most of the time that I’m not sure if I believe in God or any god at all. This is a pretty serious thing to talk about, so I won’t take long. Maybe it’s just that growing up, I was always let down by someone and still am let down by others. I know they say God doesn’t give up on you, but God and I aren’t close and really haven’t been for a long time. This is also another reason why I don’t feel comfortable getting married in a church. I would feel like a hypocrite; I don’t feel like I know that God anymore.



Well, I just feel there are a lot of disappointments in life, many of which happen to me. And I don’t have any ill family members, really big financial woes, or something horrible that has happened to me. Just small things, but to me, they loom over me like dark clouds. For example, Brian hasn’t gotten a job for the fall yet, people at work don’t like me (really only like one or two people, who are very immature anyway), our vacation is cut short, we have a very tight budget for the wedding, etc. The wedding has been a subject of woe lately. I told Sarah (Keith’s wife) that any expectation for this wedding seems too high. I’m almost not that excited to plan it anymore because Brian and I don’t even have a real date and without that, there is a halt to the planning. It’s a frustrating matter all the time. And I’m a frugal bride, so money is an object.



My father has also been an issue. First of all, he never called me or anything to congratulate me on my engagement. He did send an e-mail, which was sent to my spam account. When I finally called him, he said that he would try to make it to the wedding, wherever he was then (he was recently fired from another job and kicked out of his girlfriend’s home), but then he proceeded to change the subject. He never offered to pay for anything, and as far as I’m concerned, his name will not be on the invitation. Often, I feel like he is almost dead to me. What is his problem? My brothers and I don’t understand him at all. He will never really have any kind of active role in my life.



I’m thinking of telling my sister-in-law that she can’t be a bridesmaid any more. That is really drastic, but she never returns my phone calls. Well, sometimes she does. She’s just like someone else I know who never ever returns phone calls because they are just too busy. However, I don’t think she would come to visit her sister in Boston (like this other person) and not tell me. By the way, that really hurt and now, I don’t feel so bad for not going to her wedding. Okay, back to Sarah, my sister-in-law. I guess I can’t fire a bridesmaid now, but I should’ve known better than to ask her. However, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which is the only wedding I’ve ever been in so far.



Anyway, I needed to get all of that off of my chest. I feel like I am going to have a panic attack sometimes. It hasn’t really been that easy. It’s very easy for some people to be happy all the time, but for me, it’s not easy.

Paul's visit

One of my best friends, Paul, came to visit this past weekend. He arrived in Marlborough on Thursday night at about 7:30. I think I’ve mentioned this before—he is from outside Philadelphia, so he had to drive up the busiest part of the Eastern Seaboard (which I drove in March when I visited him) through New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut, basically the entire NYC metropolitan area. It can be frustrating, but also very cool knowing that you are so close to Manhattan. Anyway, when he got here, we decided to go to Friday’s (our old standard, we used to go to the one by our high school a lot) and then we saw “Hairspray,” the movie. Now, I’ve seen the older John Waters flick and the musical (in Louisville), so I had to see the new movie musical. I think that the film was made well, except I wasn’t very keen on John Travolta in the role of Edna (Divine was way better, Travolta was too “pretty” for the role) and they omitted a few of the songs, including “Momma, I’m a big girl now,” which is one of my favorites.



Anyway, Friday, we decided to go Boston, even though it was by far the hottest day of the weekend. I had to get a cavity filled (I’ve had like four in the past year and a half, which is terrible) at 8:30 am. Not really fun. We left for Boston at like 10:45 and got there at 12:15, running a little later because the T at Riverside is being repaired and we had to take a bus from Riverside to the Reservoir station, near Boston College, and then go into the city. We met Mary for lunch at the Copley Square station and then had a nice lunch at Joe’s American Bar and Grill; I love onion rings! We then went to see where she works, the New England Genealogical and Historical society on Newbury Street. I am very proud of her, as she has her dream job right now and loves it! She gets to research genealogy, etc. for people in the New England. After lunch, we went to H &M and I bought a new green cardigan with light green polka dots. I have a weakness for that store! That afternoon, we walked to the lovely Boston common and totally did a tourist thing—we took a swan boat ride. The swan boats are just these flat boats with swans on the end. Not really anything special, but now we can both say we did it.



It was still so hot. We continued to walk around and explore the city—the State house, Fanueil Hall and Quincy Market, the wharf, etc. We met Paul’s friend from high school (who goes to BU) and went to the North End, which is the Italian section of town, for dinner. Oh, a few hours before that, we got gelato in chocolate dipped cones in a neat ice cream place there as well. Dinner was okay (overpriced, if you ask me), but fine for the North End. We also went to Mike’s pastry to pick up some dessert for later (which we didn’t eat until the next day). At 10, we were home, and I was pretty tired, so we went to sleep.



On Saturday, we got a late start, but we drove to Naragansett beach in southern Rhode Island. There wasn’t much parking when we got there at 2, and I got really anxious about finding a parking place. I just got really angry about it and then had Brian drive to try to find a place. It was very bad; I was embarrassed. However, the rest of the day went smoothly. The beach was small and crowded, but beautiful and the water was pretty temperate. I think we’re going back on Tuesday, the 14th. Maybe it won’t be so crowded. That night, we came home, grilled some haddock (a fish) on the George Foreman, and had potatoes and steamed squash. Paul and I went out to a bar down the street from where I live, we had a few a drinks, and watched the first two episodes of “The Real World-Sydney” on demand. It’s funny, the show had not even debuted on MTV yet. It’s pretty bad and dramatic this time, with some ho named Kelly Anne on from Texas. But there’s a guy on there (Dunbar) who goes to Ole Miss, so that is cool. He’s a typical Ole Miss frat guy, minus the Mississippi mop haircut.



Sunday, we took another daytrip to the eerie town of Salem, Massachusetts. Of course, the town is really well known for the Salem witch trials of 1692, where nineteen were hanged and one person was crushed to death for not confessing to be a witch. It was a really sad event, but the sad thing is that the town capitalizes on it immensely. There are “witch” items in every nook and cranny in that town. However, the town was also a huge port in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries and a big center for the whaling industry (I believe). Also, the town has a wonderful museum (the Peabody-Essex museum) devoted to maritime arts and art from New England, Asia, and Oceania (the latter two are not represented very often). They also have a really neat Chinese house that was brought over piece by piece from China and reconstructed in a section of the museum. Honestly, I would love to work at this museum; I think it is one of the coolest museums ever. We didn’t go to the museum on Sunday, but we did go to the Salem Witch museum (kind of a crock but explains the story of the witch trials pretty well) and to this mock trial of one of the accused. We ate at a restaurant on the harbor with a beautiful view and decent food. I cooked eggplant parmesan when we got home for dinner and we went to sleep pretty early that night. Paul left at 7:30 on Monday morning. Our next trip together will be in New York in October.



Today, I had the day off work because I am working on Saturday. Sarah and I went to look at wedding gowns in Sturbridge. I had an appointment and tried on at least six gowns. Although I really loved two of the gowns, they were very expensive (one was $1450 and the other was $998). Really, I only went to look at the styles. Next week, I am going to David’s and Rebecca’s in Louisville. There is one dress I really like at David’s—it is tea-length and made by Galina, and it is pretty inexpensive (I think it is $299). I think it would make a great dress to wear to the separate ceremony and reception (in Mass. and Louisville, respectively). Sarah and I went to lunch at a great old-lady lunch spot (I had quiche) and then we went to a bakery which served gelato. We also drove by a few venues that I am looking at. The process is just being held up because we have no date set. Although, I think I would really like my mom to see some of these places before I choose one. Anyway, it was nice to spend the afternoon with Sarah and I got some ideas about my dress, etc.

Sweet Caroline, bah bah bah, good times never seemed so good, so good, so good...

The title of my post this week is dedicated to the wonderful Boston Red Sox baseball team; this song is played in the eighth inning during every game, and since I love the Diamond, I love the tradition. Brian and I went to the Red Sox/Royals game on Monday night, which was really fun besides me getting angry on the way to the game (because we were late). We just left late and hit traffic; sometimes I get angry for the dumbest reasons. Anyway, we didn't get to the game until the end of the third inning, but that was okay because no team scored until then. Also, we met Joe, Erin, Joe's brother and some other people at the game. The Sox won 4-0 and the weather was perfect. And last night, Brian and I went to Pawtucket, Rhode Island, to see the PawSox game (they are the AAA affiliate) play the Louisville Bats! Curt Schilling, an injured Red Sox pitcher, pitched for the first three innings. This was the only minor league game I've been to that was actually sold out. By the way, I love baseball park food; it's the best!

The week has been an interesting one. I had to work at a different branch on Monday (and I walked, so I had to walk home and get my car, not my fault though), on Wednesday, I gave blood for a work-sponsored blood drive, and Friday, I went to a loan meeting at the admin center. I was so bored one day this week that I just created Simpsons characters of people I knew on the Simpsons movie website. That is pathetic, but I am so insouciant about my job sometimes that I just don't care.

We're getting closer to choosing a site for the ceremony and I really hope we choose the Wayside Inn's Martha Mary chapel. I've decided that I'm going to Awesome Blossoms tomorrow and maybe dress shopping later this week. It really just depends on my week and how I'm feeling. Unfortunately, my lower back is hurting again . I worked out yesterday and today (not doing anything too strenous), but I'm worried now that anything affects it.

Next weekend, I'm going to a Harry Potter party hosted my friend Mary. It is always nice to see her, and our friend Natyra will be there as well. I'm going to make something extra delicious inspired by a Harry Potter website I found earlier today--http://www.britta.com/hogwarts/recipes.html. It should be fun! Next Sunday, we may go to a beach in Rhode Island, which would be great, too.

It's the perfect day, nothing standing in my way...

Today was a really good day and we had a great weekend, too! The Fourth of July was alright, too. It was weird having a day off in the middle of the week. My friend Sally, who works at one of the other branches, invited Brian and me over to her house for a cook-out in the afternoon. We had some Indian food and turkey burgers. I'm not really a fan of turkey burgers, I have to say, but Brian loved them. My favorite thing was this really doughy Indian bread that was fantastic. I made some red, white, blue cupcakes that were slightly in one of the pictures in the last post. Anyway, the party was fun; however, it did start raining. I introduced Sally's kids (who were the most polite kids ever) to The Jackson Five and we danced. After the party, Brian and I came home and he took a nap while I made more cupcakes and tried to get creative by making different flowers on them. My favorites were the ones with the rose bouquets :) We had an obstructed view of the fireworks from our apartment window, so that was cool.

On Thursday, I missed my hair appointment (complete sadness) and had to go to Supercuts. I was a little bit upset about it and had a minor freakout, which I need to stop since I am trying to grow up now. Only Brian and my mom heard it, but it is still embarrassing that I can throw minor tantrums still. We went to dinner at Andy and Gretchen's and then went home. Friday, I didn't really do anything; Brian had his gig in Sturbridge. We both didn't sleep that well (this was okay though) and left early on Saturday for a river trip in Western Massachusetts. Brian's friends Joe and Erin are real outdoor enthusiasts and are always going rafting, skiing, etc. We took a raft down the Deerfield River for a few hours. It was really fun and there was even a class three rapid (yay). We forgot to wear sunscreen and got a little sun, but it wasn't bad. Then we went to the fun Yankee Candle store (which is huge) in Deerfield. I got my mom a special Byer's caroler there for her birthday. They are these figures, usually displayed at Christmas time, and my mom loves them.

We didn't do much yesterday; we went to the mall and the grocery store. That was it.

Tonight, we're having steak and we're going to see Transformers! Yay!

My mom is coming to visit in September and I am very excited about it. We're going to spend a day at Martha's Vineyard, which is supposed to be beautiful. Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket are both south of the Cape and the only way you can get to either one is by boat or air. And, per Mary's suggestion, we are taking the ferry from Woods Hole and then riding a bus around the island.

We still haven't made any wedding plans, except that mom is checking on some reception sites for us. We are looking at the Owl Creek country club, the Louisville Slugger Museum, and the historical home, Farmington's carriage house. Although I think Farmington's facility is too small. We are planning on inviting about 125-130 people.

We're watching "Best in Show" right now before going to "Transformers." It's very funny!

I'm proud of the cupcakes I made today!

The last post contained cupcakes from Whole Foods; the above pictures are of cupcakes I made! This is just an experimental thing I'm trying.

Rings are all around...

I will start with the latest weather report. Very hot, muggy, humid and no air-conditioning. Oh my, oh my.

Well, as many of you now know (or the two people who read this blog—Mary and Katherine), I am now engaged to Brian. This has brought on a plague of mixed feelings for me, both happy and bitter. It is like déjà vu all over again for me. Maybe some people wouldn’t understand, but I feel as though I am the victim of bad luck or bad timing. I know that I should be really happy, but since this is the second time, it is somewhat different. And though I am excited about the wedding, I really can’t even start planning it until Brian gets a new job, which should be in the fall sometime.

I just had this feeling sometime last week that it would happen. I don’t really know why I felt that way, and I didn’t tell anyone, for fear of being wrong. And then, it just did.

Last summer, a few days after I arrived in Massachusetts, Brian took me on a little trip to Cape Cod. Now, I always had this crazy, outsider notion that Cape Cod was one town, an elitist place swarming with people like Ted Kennedy and Martha Stewart types (her vacation home is in Maine, by the way). But Cape Cod is this huge area, from Falmouth to Provincetown is definitely over 70 miles. It is pretty diverse, too, and attracts all kinds of people, from families to singles to couples, etc. This year and last year we stayed at Nickerson State Park in Brewster, which is in the middle of the cape. We camped, but we are not really hard core campers. I mean, we have a tent and roasted marshmallows, but there were bathrooms about 50 feet away or so from our little area, and grocery stores and restaurants very close. It is just cheaper to camp.

Anyway, we left for the Cape on Saturday morning, June 23rd. The night before, we went to Shrewsbury and ate at Qdoba (yay, I haven’t been there in a long time), and we bought snacks at Trader Ho’s (oops, I mean, Joe’s, ha). We left on Saturday at about 10 and arrived at Sandy Neck Beach before noon. This beach is in Yarmouth, on the harbor side. We like it because the water tends to be warmer here, although the water was very cold this past weekend. After settling in, I took a long walk along the water and then sat down to read when I got back to our chairs. Then, Brian got up and then got down on the sand and said “I have a question for you.” Well, I thought he was going to ask me to take a dip in the ocean with him and I was totally going to say no. But then, he asked if I would marry him and I said, “well, you don’t have a ring,” when he presented one. It was sort of romantic, but I liked that it was all mushy, because frankly, I’m past that now. It was a Brian-type of proposal. I love my ring, too. It’s white gold with a thicker band and a round diamond with a kind of square setting with little diamonds around the diamond beneath it. I will take a picture, soon, I promise!

After that, I started calling my family and I called Abby that day, but I didn’t really tell anyone else until we got back from camping.

After the beach, we went to check into our campsite and then we went to dinner at the Lobster Claw in Orleans, which is the next town over from Brewster. We both had lobster (which was $30 for each dinner, oh my) and clam chowder and oysters; it was a typical Cape meal. Then, we went to Skaket beach and watched the lovely sunset (again, this is a tradition). Then we got a snack to take back to the campsite and set up our tent. It was a little cold that night (in the 50’s) and we tried to snuggle together, but sometimes that doesn’t even work. Plus, we need to get an air mattress because sleeping in the tent on sleeping bags is mostly like sleeping on the floor.

On Sunday, I bought these great bagel sandwiches from Jo Mama’s Bagels in Orleans (mine had an omelet with Muenster cheese, tomatoes and avocados, yum) and then we headed to a beach in Provincetown. Provincetown is at the very tip of the Cape and is a truly interesting place. It felt like we were at the end of the world or something, well, because the road just goes into the ocean there (not really). I actually think that the most eastern part of the U.S. is in Maine. But still, it is cool. We spent the day at Herring Cove Beach and got a lot of sun, perhaps too much. I took a walk on this beach and I wish I had had my camera, for a baby seal beached herself on shore. She was alive and so cute. I think she was injured though, which was sad. Everyone crowded around her and took pictures and she wasn’t scared at all. Later that day at Nauset Beach, we saw another seal, only it was a lot bigger and in the ocean. Anyway, after our day at Herring Cove, we had pizza in Provincetown and drove around for a bit. The town was very European and had really narrow, windy streets and a lot of art galleries. I wish that we could have spent a little more time there. Anyway, then we played some more mini golf at a nicer course (I won this time) and we had some pistachio ice cream. We went to the Nauset beach and then went to the grocery to get s’mores stuff and firewood. Brian had a little trouble starting a long-lasting fire, but he got it together. I love marshmallows and chocolate together.

On our final day, Monday, we had more bagels, and I finished my current book, The Time Traveler’s Wife. Hmmm, very interesting. It was like 540 pages, but it went very quickly. Oh, I also had a gingerbread chai tea from the bagel place, which was amazing! We ended up going back to Sandy Neck Beach on our way out of town; it was a little windy, so we didn’t spend too much time there. We split a late lunch at Friendly’s on our way out of town and then came home. That evening, we picked up Morgan at Gretchen and Andy’s house. She entertained them greatly. Both of his parents were happy that we got engaged.

The three days since we have gotten back have been a bit tedious at work and the weather has been really hot and humid. I think the heat wave will break tonight though, with the oncoming thunderstorms.

We’ve been eating some very interesting food lately and a lot of fish lately, which is great. Brian went to the grocery and we had haddock and asparagus on Tuesday and then we had filets, asparagus, and salad last night. I’ve also been eating hummus, alfalfa, and tomato sandwiches on wheat for lunch. Very good. However, I’ve been bad about working out lately.

I’ve started to look at some bride’s magazines. Now, planning a wedding is fun, even the first time was that way. Abby is my maid of honor and my sister-in-law, Sarah, is a bridesmaid, but I may ask a few more people later. Or I may not. I probably won’t even make them buy special dresses. I want to have cupcakes instead of a cake, possibly with big flowers on them. Also, I want a simple dress, and nothing with a train. Those are pretty much all the decisions I have made. And no meatballs whatsoever!! Have I made myself clear? Ha.

Well, no plans for the weekend, but that could change.

It's cold....

The weather has been so crazy here lately. It either rains or is really cloudy and cool. I mean, yesterday it was 55 degrees out for most of the day and cloudy. What the heck is going on?

I shouldn’t complain so much…so stop. Work has been slow; that is why I’m writing my blog on a word document at work. To pass the time and express the inner voice of my soul.

Last week, I went to see the movie “Knocked Up” and it really made me think about stuff, my life, etc. The movie was really funny though, and I loved Seth Rogen! He was cute and reminded me of Brian, in both good and bad ways. I feel like Brian is kind of irresponsible in many ways, and although I am very responsible most of the time, that just doesn’t cut it all the time. But Brian is very nice and never says an unkind word, and the main character is pretty much like that. I really want to have a family and everything, and I worry that I don’t have a good partner for that, who will contribute equally to the responsibility of raising a child or even two. I guess eventually, he will grow up, but he is already thirty, so…that is the reality of our situation. In conclusion, for me, the movie went way deeper than it was supposed to and it hit really close to home.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my own health lately and picked up this book that my brother bought about a year ago called You are what You Eat by Dr. Gillian McKeith. It is really good because it tells you about different foods and how they will help you solve certain target issues, like bowel problems, skincare, etc. Although, it is very hard to accomplish all the things she recommends, because no one is perfect. In a single day, I can’t eat all the veggies and proteins and fruits that I am supposed to, and never can I ingest all the vitamins and minerals that I need to be healthy. But at least I can try. Another thing—good quality, healthy food is really expensive. Unhealthy food seems to always be cheaper. Plus, I am no gourmand, so cooking healthy food is not always simple either.

This weekend was okay. On Saturday, we didn’t do too much during the day because it rained. However, on Saturday night, we drove to New Haven, Connecticut, to see a free concert in a park in the middle of the city. The concert was a compilation of music from Spike Lee’s films, which were scored by Terrence Blanchard, Brian’s favorite trumpet player. Spike Lee was even there to introduce the show! Terrence, his quintet, and a small orchestra played the music from Inside Man, Malcolm X, When the Levees Broke ( a documentary about Hurricane Katrina), and other movies. It was really good and Terrence was amazing. Thankfully, it didn’t really rain or anything, but it was pretty cool outside. Prior to the concert, we stopped at Panera bread (yum) for dinner and Dick’s sporting goods to get new chairs for the concert and the beach next week (yay) as well as a new lantern. By the way, New Haven seemed like a nice place; there were a few rough spots, but for the most part, it was pretty and Yale University is there as well. We went into a cigar bar before the concert and met a nice couple from the area. It was the first time in a long time I’ve been into a bar where people were allowed to smoke. It wasn’t the best for me.

We were supposed to go to the aquarium in Boston on Sunday, but I was really irritated because the Riverside T-station, which we always use, is being repaired every weekend until the end of the summer. We could have taken a bus there, but I didn’t really want to, so we left and went to like the worst miniature golf course ever, but it was still fun. The course had all this gross water around that had tadpoles and algae in it and broken boards were all over the place. Brian didn’t have too much respect for the place and urinated by one of the holes. Yeah, I know…nice. Then we had a big lunch/dinner/lunner thing at Fireflys, this barbeque restaurant (not as good as KY barbeque; I love Mark’s feed store). A few hours later, I walked to Dairy Queen (it’s not very far at all) and got a chocolate cone with butterscotch. It was great.

Top Chef’s third season started last night. Of course, the local yokel from Mississippi was sent home first. He spoke with a really bad accent and talked about whiskey and he probably was smoking. Jerk. It makes me so indignant because they picked some southern trashy person with an awful accent to represent that state. I know plenty of intelligent folks in Mississippi and I mean it! This guy really misrepresented the state. The same thing happens to Kentucky all the time. We’re just the dumb, slow people who say y’all a lot, drink too much sweetened ice tea, and are obviously racist and ignorant. I’m really tired of that image.

I can’t wait for the beach next weekend; I just hope it is sunny and I that I don’t get a sunburn.

Thunder, thunder on the mountain...

I'm trying to mellow out by reading my book, "Love in the Time of Cholera," and listening to some mellow tunes by the likes of Sting, My Morning Jacket, and U2. I've also been thinking about my time in the desert and how nice it really was. Today, my parents are in New Mexico and I want to be there.

The aforementioned book is magical and thoroughly romantic, as well as funny. It is about the undying love of a man, Florentino Ariza, for a woman, Fermina Daza, in Columbia over a period of fifty years. The book really has that quality of escapism, which I absolutely love. I highly recommend it.

There's a raincloud in the desert sky...

I guess today would be as good as any to talk about my trip to beautiful Arizona. I left Boston Logan airport at two in the afternoon on May 23rd. Flying out of Logan wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, especially since I rode there via the Logan Express bus from Framingham. The security lines were long and alas, many people still didn't get the whole "liquid restriction" issue and had their expensive hand creams, lotions, and other cosmetics thrown in the garbage. Get a clue, people. If you're going to fly, read up on airport security issues. In fact, one of the security folks asked if they could use my quart-sized plastic bag with cosmetics in it as an example to the other passengers. I felt responsible!

After a very short layover in Hotlanta (thankfully, the guy with TB wasn't flying that day, otherwise, we would really have been in the "hot zone"), I flew to Phoenix. I arrived about twenty minutes early and Abby was waiting for me in the baggage area. Very sweet of her. We drove to Scottsdale and saw the valley of Phoenix at twilight. I had no idea all these beautiful mountains surrounded the area. As Arizona is on Pacific time during daylight savings time (they actually don't observe daylight savings, so they are on Mountain time in the other months of the year), I was pretty tired by the time I arrived in Arizona. So, we just ate some chicken and some great guacamole that Abby made. Abby works in a health food store, and she has a penchant for the best quality foods, which I have no obection to either. On Thursday, we got ready to drive up to the Grand Canyon (it's four hours north of Phoenix), but were delayed a little bit by her roommates, who were packing. However, that was fine and we got on the road at about one. The ride to the canyon was great; we were steadily climbing in elevation and heading up through the mountains. We stopped for a picnic lunch south of Flagstaff and proceeded on our way. I have to say that there is almost nothing on the way to the Grand Canyon. At least from between Flagstaff or Williams and the canyon. We took a very lonely road up to the National Park on the East side (this is the lesser road taken) and once we got to the park, we still had to drive twenty-five miles to the Grand Canyon Village, where our hotel was located. Our first sight of the canyon was great! We took two cars there and we immediately stopped and got out of the cars, and took several pictures. We checked into our hotel, the Yavapai west lodge, and then tried to catch the sunset over the canyon. It was getting dark, but it was still beautiful. No words or pictures can really describe the experience of the Grand Canyon; one just really has to go!

We had kind of an expensive dinner at the lodge afterwards and then went to bed. Abby's roommates, Tsahai and Richard, got up early to watch the sunrise, but Abs and I were much too tired. I kind of regret this because I heard later that it was absolutely amazing. However, we did start our day kind of early, we had breakfast again at the lodge, and then went on our merry way around the canyon. We walked a "Trail of time" which I didn't really understand other than that there were these markers going back in time many, many millions of year ago. We ended up walking to the larger part of the Grand Canyon village, where the El Tovar hotel is located as well as the Bright Angel Lodge. There was also a trail heading down to the canyon where people and mules can navigate. There is a famous mule trail ride that occurs everyday here; that really would have been fun, but the recommendation is that you book this journey one year in advance (wow!). I was wearing a v-neck t-shirt and got a little sunburned on my neck. I wore ample sunscreen on my face and arms, so otherwise I was fine.

Abby and I left the canyon between 2 and 3 and headed to the beautiful town of Sedona, which is south of Flagstaff. Again, it was kind of lonely road on the way there, but we did go through a beautiful area called Snowbowl, AZ, where there are several ski resorts, I believe. The drive from Flagstaff to Sedona was so gorgeous and almost didn't seem like Arizona, more like Colorado. It made me realize how diverse the landscape of the state really is. Sedona is the home of these beautiful red rock formations. Several western movies have been filmed here. We found a nice Mexican restaurant called the Oaxaca (apparently, it's a cheese as well) and ate on the second floor, which had open air seating. We walked around the town a little bit and took some more pictures. On our way back to Phoenix (or Phoenie, inside joke), we drove three miles out of the way to see the only Mcdonald's with turquoise arches. Apparently, the golden arches would have clashed with the scenery. Haha.

On Saturday, Abby and I drove to Old Town Scottsdale and walked around the area, which had lots of cute shops and restaurants. We ate at this Mexican/Cuban fusion restaurant, which was great. We had gelato for dessert at this great place, too. I had pistachio and Abby had mint chocolate chip. To me, gelato is way better than regular ice cream. It's less airy and less fattening, too. Of course, we went to a mall in Scottsdale, too. I bought some makeup at Sephora and Abby got some cool green flip-flops at J.Crew. Since Abby had to work overnight doing inventory at Wild Oats (where she is the supervisor and top conoisseur of the cheese counter), we got a pizza for dinner. While Abby was at work, I watched "Forrest Gump" (love that movie and Alan Silvestri's music; he also composed for "Back to the Future") and then went to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping because Abby wasn't back by 4 am from work and I was worried about her. The inventory took longer than she expected and she didn't get home until 11 am. We were supposed to go to a Diamondbacks game but that didn't really work out, however, this was fine. We were both really, really tired. I took a short walk around the neighborhood (because it was so hot, it was not that easy to be outside for a long time) and then Abby and I got ready to go out again. We drove down to this exclusive hotel/resort called the Biltmore and surveyed the area. Every U.S. president has stayed here since Herbert Hoover. Pres. Bush has stayed there thrice; our tax dollars are working hard for him. They had an amazing pool, complete with a movie screen, and I really wanted to go swimming! The hotel also had a life-sized chess board (and checkers) and a croquet set. We drove to downtown Phoenix and then to Tempe for dinner, where we ate at a Greek restaurant called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and then we had more gelato!! My flight left at 11:45 pm, so Abby dropped me off at the airport and I was on my way back to Boston. Abby was a great host and I want to thank her so much for everything!

I really began to appreciate the western United States on my trip. Arizona is amazing and it seems like a great place to live.

I didn't arrive back in Boston until noon on Memorial Day and I hadn't gotten much sleep at all, so I was very cranky when I got back home. Sorry, Brian! That night, we had a small cookout at Gretchen and Andy's. I brought them a magnet and some grapefruits from the tree in Abby's backyard.

Work has been fine since I've been back in Massachusetts. On Thursday, I got a good review for my first month and a half, so that made me feel somewhat accomplished.

Wednesday night, we went to the Red Sox game and I made a sign in Japanese for Daisuke Matsuzaka, the new pitcher this year. We weren't on TV and the Sox didn't end up winning, but it was still really fun. It's very hard to get tickets to Fenway Park, because it's the smallest baseball stadium in the MLB, so when you do get tickets (any tickets), it's really great.

The weekend has been alright. On Friday, I went to Trader Joe's and bought some yummy food, including more gelato (this time, tiramisu). BTW, does anyone know of a good gelato place in the Boston suburbs? Obviously, there are some in Boston, including in the North End, but I don't really know of any in the Metrowest area. I also bought one of their grocery bags, which is really cute and of course, environmentally friendly. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about caring more for the environment and for myself. It seems that there is a correlation in Arizona between their beautiful environment and their appreciation of it and of salubrious living. I feel like out here on the East Coast, we are not as conscious of it (plus, it is so congested here), and in the midwest, it is even worse. I don't even have a recycling option here in Marlborough, and that makes me feel guilty a lot.

Anyway, yesterday I worked in the morning and then Brian and I went to Target in the afternoon and Keith and Sarah's for a lovely grilled cod dinner. I was and am always impressed by their combined efforts in the kitchen. Today has been somewhat of a lazy day. Although, I have been to the gym for the first time since I got back to Mass. Right now, I'm watching a marathon of Top Chef season one. Tonight, we are going to Framingham for Chinese food. Yay!

Bored at work blog...

It seems like the weather always affects my moods, so I better not move to Seattle.

“Gilmore Girls” ended on Tuesday night and I am sad. The fall schedule looks bleak, although there is another show that was created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, so that is one bright spot. I’ve been watching “Shear Genius” lately, which I really like. I loved the episode where they had to recreate a hairstyle for a certain era in history—the styles were from the Medieval era, the Elizabethan era, the Victorian era, the 1920’s, 1940’s, 1960’s, and 1980’s punk. Tyson, who styled a woman’s hair for the Elizabethan era, won the challenge. They even dressed in costumes to compliment their hairstyles. On the show last night, Tyson and Tabitha were eliminated. This surprised me, because their relationship with each other (basically, just Tabitha hates Tyson) was the most dramatic element on the show. They were both extremely talented, too. But they were eliminated when they worked together as a pair for the bridal party challenge. Daisy and Anthony won (I really like both of them) and created the coolest up-do for the bride. I like the other two hairstylists left, as well; they are Dr. Boogie (great name) and Ben (the tattooed, pierced guy with a kind heart). Personally, I hope that Daisy wins, because she seems cool and her hairstyles are the best.

Also, “Big Love” is returning this summer (although I don’t have HBO) and Top Chef will also run its’ third season. I wonder when “Project Runway” will start. I cannot wait!

On Tuesday, I was able to achieve some sort of miracle. I finally got online to buy Red Sox tickets, after it seemed virtually impossible. They are pretty terrible, because we don’t even have seats, but I think it will be fun. It’s in this general seating area somewhere around 1st base. The Sox are playing the Cleveland Indians for the game, which is May 30th, so hopefully, we will win. This pitcher for the Indians went to my high school; he is a big jerk and he has a losing record this year, so hopefully he won’t be pitching. Well, he was a jerk in high school. I actually saw him three years ago when his college team (Vanderbilt) played Ole Miss in baseball. He was at the restaurant where I worked and he and his parents were cordial. It’s kind of embarrassing when you have to serve people you know. I’m glad I don’t have that kind of job now.

Anyway, I bought the tickets because Brian’s thirtieth birthday is on Saturday. He wasn’t as happy about the event as I thought. It’s hard to please him, it seems. But his emotions are more laid back than mine, so I should think about that. We’re going to the Steely Dan concert tomorrow night, which should be fun, although it’s going to be raining the whole time we are driving to Connecticut and the temperature will be about fifty degrees. Yay.

This weekend will be busy with the concert and then my choir concert and church thing.

My dad lost his job again. This is what, like the twelfth time. I worry about him and I don’t know what’s going to happen to him. He is fifty-five and basically has no retirement savings. He can’t keep doing this to himself. I hope that I won’t be like him at all.

The cat is still sleeping on my pillow at night, which means I have half a pillow most of the time. However, she is a darling to me.

Tell me why, I don't like Mondays...

This is the mother's day cake I made for Gretchen yesterday! Yes, it is very blue. We went to their house for dinner last night and she had the most beautiful garden. I want to have a yard so badly.

I bought some great clothes at Old Navy-- two pairs of cropped pants, a swimsuit, two short-sleeved shirt, a button-down shirt for work, a green flowy shirt, and I got two polos for Brian. It was a success.

A good week...and some weird dreams

Well, I am finally feeling better from my back and "other" problems. I went back to the doctor for a check-up on Monday and she told me to eat more fiber. Yay. But the cereal I bought (Fiber One) is even better than Kashi because it has 14 grams of fiber and only sixty calories per serving. I swear, sometimes, I sound like an old person who needs fiber! That is scary.

Choir was fine on Monday, although we (and myself included) need more practice on all of the songs. They are difficult though, but I feel like we don't do enough sectional rehearsals in the beginning just to get our notes correct and that is what is hindering us now. I miss being in the Ballard choir because, well, I think we were amazing. Our concert is on May 20th in the afternoon. I am singing with Sarah's church choir in the morning, so that will definitely be a very musical weekend. Plus the Steely Dan concert is Friday night.

On Tuesday, I went to the gym (my average is still about twice a week) and watched "Gilmore Girls." Oh, I am so sad that it is ending next week but it's about time. Although I feel like I kind of grew up with Rory even though I didn't watch the show the entire way through its' run. I have to thank the show though for something. When Ryan and I broke up in the fall of 2004, I really started watching the show on the Family channel in syndication. To be honest, the show was comforting to me because it makes you feel good, at least to me. During this time of my life, I was so depressed about everything and I didn't really have anyone to talk to about my breakup with Ryan and my feelings about hopelessness and leaving school without a planned future. It was so difficult. I read something once that said people are most depressed in the morning right when they awaken. This was true for me. I remember waking up at the Theta house and getting in the shower and crying most every day. I'm so happy now that I got through those three months alright and that I successfully completed school. I didn't want to do anything; I just wanted to quit Ole Miss and come home. And coming home, being far away from Ryan and all the other issues, was what finally cured me. I know I just went into a long harangue about that whole episode, but that is what I will relate to most with the show.

On Wednesday, I got off work early and Brian and I went to see "Spider-Man 3." It was a little long and silly when Tobey started dancing, but otherwise, it was pretty good and I really liked the story. I wonder if there will be a fourth movie.

I've had some very strange dreams lately. In the first dream, I slept for four months, between May and September. I missed all the lovely summer weather and I woke up when the leaves were turning colors and people were wearing coats. Maybe this dream is telling me that I am missing out on something. In the second dream, I went to visit my friend Kelly in New York (he's moving there in August) and he lived with my ex-fiance and his wife. And we all got along!

I'm pretty tired now from the week. I'm doing laundry now and watching "Finding Nemo." Adorable movie; actually, I own it. Tomorrow, I have to work and then I'm going to Old Navy to get a new swimsuit and some summer clothes for work and for my trip to Arizona. I love to shop!

The Sun Shines Bright on My Old Kentucky Home...

Well, this week has been one of ups and downs for me. Last Sunday was very fulfilling, as my friend Mary and I went to a U2charist in Framingham. Being a huge fan of U2 and an Episcopalian, well, sometimes, this service was quite perfect for me. And for any U2 fan! U2's music is often very spiritual and could ambigiously be about God and religion. I believe that their earlier music was very religious, but I'm not positive about some of their later stuff, especially the whole Zoo TV/Popmart Era in the 1990's. So, Rev. Paige Blair from York, Maine, and some of her congregation go to different Episcopal churches and hold these U2charists, complete with U2 music and a message about what we as individuals can do to change the world. The service left me absolutely elated, and I believe it had the same effect on Mary. Here is a list of the songs that were played during the service:

Beautiful Day
Pride (In the Name of Love)
MLK
One
40 (Psalm 40)
When Love Comes to Town
Sunday Bloody Sunday
One Step Closer
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Window in the Skies (by the way, this is my new favorite song)
Peace on Earth
Walk On

All I have to say is that it was a wonderful service and I would be delighted to go to another U2charist!

On Monday, my back was still hurting at work, so I decided to call the medical office where I go for "other" appointments to actually acquire a primary care physician. I went to an appointment, however, not with my official doctor, that afternoon. She really couldn't find anything wrong with me and I had to get some x-rays, which was somewhat unpleasant because the woman was aggressive and pushed me around on the table. They did discover some digestive problems (I won't get into it) and I was told to get some meds myself. However, they didn't give me a prescription. I went home and got sick bascially Monday and Tuesday night. On Thursday, I decided I needed some kind of pain killer prescription, so I went back to another doctor at the same office and was successful in getting Naproxin. Although I have been feeling well for most of the weekend, I woke up this morning with a back pain again. It stills hurts now.

During the middle of all of this, Brian and I went to dinner at the Wildwood Steakhouse for our two-year anniversary. We had an excellent dinner, but I feel things are weird between us. Maybe we're just too comfortable with each other. Also, Brian's thirtieth birthday is in two weeks and I really don't know what I can get him. Perhaps I can get him Red Sox tickets, but those seem impossible to get these days. However, I did get Paw Sox tickets (the Red Sox's AAA affiliate) for a July game when they play Louisville!

Anyway, I love my Brian but I often feel like he is not serious about me, which is a problem I've been faced with in the past.

On Tuesday, I got my very cool Razor phone. Well, now I'm hip, only a year too late. I have two great ringtones-- U2's "Where the Streets Have no Name" and the Outfield's "Your Love."

Yesterday was Derby Day and I was quite nostalgic for home. This was the year to be at the Derby because Queen Elizabeth II was present! Of course, both of my brothers were there because they have connections and all that. Eliot even won $1750 on one race (although it wasn't the Derby itself). One misconception I find that people have about the Derby is that they think there is just the one race the entire day, but there are actually about ten races. The Derby just has the biggest purse to win. I made two bets yesterday for $5 apiece on Curlin and Scat Daddy to Win and Place respectively but Street Sense won. Curlin ended up being third and Scat Daddy was like eighteenth. Anyway, Brian and I were over at Keith and Sarah's house, where we watched the race on their big screen projector. I made eggplant parm and derby pie; it was a lovely meal.

I miss my home so much when I see the Derby. Next year (if I am still here), then I am going to take a few days off and go home for Derby week. Mom is going to attempt to get tickets to the Oaks, which is the day before the Derby and features the race for the fillies.

Summer is almost here and the weather has been nice. It's going to be very warm next week, too. So, I have two weeks until my Arizona trip, for which I am so excited. We made reservations for a campsite at Cape Cod in June and then I will be home in August for a few days.

If I could be sweet...I know I've been a real bad girl...

I have to do my complaining first. The weather has just been bad, seriously. My lower back has been hurting me since Tuesday, which means that it is difficult to sit in my chair at work and sometimes in the car and also hard to get out of bed or the car. I have also been a little bored lately and definitely getting on Brian's nerves. And I have been the victim of too much television-- Reality TV, the Virginia Tech shootings (which I am very sorry for the victims and their families and friends, but I never want to see that Cho guy's face ever again), etc. There is too much hate and evil in this world. Oh, and it is just great (I'm being sarcastic here) to see a movie trailer that promises "nine people will die, and you get to watch" the same week as that horrible tragedy in Virginia.

There are just times of the year when I get a little sad and that is happening now. I mostly blame the weather. It is almost May and still 45 degrees outside. I also miss my family a lot, too.

My job is still going well and I am enjoying working at my branch. I've walked to work several times, which is great, but it has been limited because it has rained a lot here. One very cool thing is that I sometimes stop at Starbucks for a drink (and their mango empanadas are excellent) on the way to work. I've also become quite addicted to Dunkin Donuts iced coffee with cream and splenda.

I've asked off for some vacation time in the summer. Because I started in April, I have fifteen days off. Next year, I will get twenty. In June, I'm taking a day off so that Brian and I can go camping in Cape Cod again and in July, I'm taking a day off so that Paul can come visit. I'm going home for a few days in August, too. I'm still really excited for my Arizona trip next month; I talked to Abby last night and we're planning a few things, like a day trip to the Grand canyon.
I may not be able to go home for Christmas, which is sad for me, but I'll go home for Thanksgiving instead if that is the case.

Brian's brother and his girlfriend are moving here in July or August so that Geralyn can go to Pharmacy school in Worcester. Sometimes, I'm not so sure what I feel about that. I do like Geralyn though.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...

It's been a little while since I last updated my journal. The last two weeks have been nice and kind of fun, too. March 29th was my last day at Banknorth and it wasn't so bad. The manager actually bought me a little cake, which I didn't eat. Too much cake lately with the decorating class anyway. The next day, I set out for Horsham, PA, to see Paul. I left at 11:30 in the am, and basically drove through the busiest part of the Eastern Seaboard (Boston to Philly via New York City). I caught a lot of traffic in New York and New Jersey, and the drive took me about seven hours. However, it was kind of neat to drive through Connecticut because I have never been there (and I thought about Gilmore Girls the whole time) and New York, where I crossed over the George Washington Bridge and saw the beautiful skyline of Manhattan. It is very cool to know that I live so close to New York, even though I haven't really been there since November 2005. Hopefully, Brian and I will be able to go this summer or in the fall. Anyway, when I got to Paul's, we went out to this seafood restaurant and then to see the movie "Reign over me," with Adam Sandler. It wasn't bad, just a little different than I expected and very sad. On Saturday, we went to the town where Paul teaches and saw his school and walked around the cute little town. It is right on the Delaware River and we also walked over the bridge to New Jersey. That afternoon, we went home, relaxed and watched most of "Marie Antoinette." I watched the rest of it later and I will say that it an exquisitely beautiful movie (for scenery, costumes, and the lovely desserts that shown, really), but it is a little short on content and a little slow as well. That night, we ate at this wonderful Italian restaurant where I had eggplant rolatine and it was so good. I ate far too much that night. We went to a bar afterwards and had a few drinks. On Sunday, we had brunch at a diner and then I left because I didn't want to get stuck in too much traffic. It was still crazy going home, but it took about an hour less. A couple of interesting things I learned on my trip: you cannot pump your own gas in New Jersey, you only pay a toll one way on the GW bridge, and there are some large towns in Connecticut. Oh, and the New Jersey Turnpike is purgatory!

By the way, Paul is a middle school social studies teacher and he is trying to convince me to take the teaching tests in Massachusetts so that I can become a history teacher. I would really like to become a teacher (I think), but have to be sure I'm going to live somewhere for a while before taking the tests. Also, I will eventually have to get my master's degree, which would be fine, because I want to go back to grad school someday, but probably not next fall.

I started my new job on April 2nd, and even from the first day I knew that it was nice. There were only four of us in the training class and they bought us lunch on the first day. I feel more like a valued individual here than at my previous bank. We had our training, which was the same as most other banks, but it seemed better. Plus, I already know the system they use, so that makes it more simple. I also met some really nice people, including another member service representative who is also new to the job. Her name is Sally and she works at another branch. She already invited Brian and me to one of kid's birthday party, so that is cool.

During the week, I went to my last cake class and made some very colorful cupcakes (I didn't take a picture), but I do have a picture of the Easter cake I made two weeks ago. It was delicious, until the cake molded because I forgot that I put whipping cream in the filling and forgot to refrigerate it. The picture was taken before this occurred.

This past weekend was fun. Brian and I ate at the beloved and fattening Friendly's, where I love the chicken strips and the reese's pieces sundaes. On Saturday, I went to the gym, and then we went to Spencer for Keith's thirtieth birthday. Brian's thirtieth is in a month. We stayed over at their house because on Easter Sunday, we participated in their church service. Brian got paid to play the trumpet, and I sang in the choir. After church, we tried to get lunch at Qdoba or Moe's (there isn't one very close to Marlborough, so I never go), but they were both closed because of Easter. Instead, we ate sushi. It reminded me of eating Chinese on Christmas. However, I'm glad a lot of places are closed. That afternoon, I decorated more cupcakes with the grass tip and made some very colorful treats. We took them over to Gretchen and Andy's (Brian's parents) and had a lovely ham dinner and an exciting game of Party! pictionary.

On Monday, I went to do more training at the St. Mary's main office and then went to choir. Tuesday, I went to the branch and went to the gym. The people at the branch seem nice. Several of them are foreign, which is cool. One is from Portugal, one is from Brazil, I'm not sure where the head teller is from, and the manager is from Ecuador. He is really nice and his wife is due to give birth next week. He really seems to care about his branch "team." We have instant messenger at work (only internally) and that is really different, but nice.

So, I have to work the next three Saturdays, but I have the two off in a row that I need in May, so that is fine.

I am so sick of the cold, rainy weather. I just want it to be warm so I can walk outside. And I can't wait to go to the beach!!
I guess April showers do bring May flowers, but they also bring sad feelings. Well, I'm happy, though; I just want sunshine on my shoulders.

Frozen Lemon Custard is my new favorite flavor...

The rest of the week has been fine. It's been awkward still at work but I really don't talk about leaving and no one really talks about it with me. The head teller has made some stupid comments about it, but you know what, she's kind of a loser. And as much as this sounds mean, I don't want my life to be like hers. High school was like the pinnacle point of her life, she talks about it all the time, and frankly, it annoys me very much. I graduated six years ago from high school and I barely even talk about it. I really don't want to sound bitchy, but again, I'm happy that I only have four days left at Banknorth.

It's been a little lonely here in Marlborough. Well, I just really miss my family and friends in Louisville, although sometimes, I don't even know how true some of my friends are there. I miss having at least one good friend here to talk to about stuff with. I can always can Abby and that is great, but she is across the country, and that makes things difficult.

So, this weekend, Brian and I didn't do too much. I worked from 8:30 until 6:30 on Friday and we had some great barbeque for lunch. Then, I came home, Brian and I ate leftovers, and I went to bed early because I had to work the next day. Saturday, I worked, went to the grocery store, and came home. Although it wasn't really that warm, Brian and I went to take a walk by a reservoir a few miles from our apartment. When the days get a little warmer, we'll go into the city and do some fun stuff there. I made risotto for the first time for dinner (and it turned out great; I can't wait to make more), and Brian made some steaks (which were okay, a little overdone, we haven't quite perfected that yet). Other than that, it was kind of boring. I rolled coins from our coin jar ($36!) and we watched SNL with Peyton Manning.

Today, I really wanted to go out for breakfast but we didn't end up going anywhere. I did watch "The Way We Were" with Barbra Streisand (great song, okay film), and went to the gym. I was on the elliptical for forty minutes, did the rowing machine for just two minutes, and walked for ten. I weighed myself, but we won't go there. I don't really think of myself as fat; yes, I guess I could lose some weight, but I don't really eat a lot of junk and at least I do exercise a few times a week. Plus, I drink a lot of water, I don't consume very much alcohol, and I don't smoke cigarettes.

I haven't been to the mall in over a month, so Brian and I went to a mall in Natick, which is absolutely a monstrosity. It is being renovated, they are building a bunch of new stores, etc. and it is just crazy. We drove around twice trying to find the entrance. We went into Crate and Barrel and Williams Sonoma and I pined for all the great kitchenware, especially the Kitchen Aid mixing bowl in sage green for $299. Yikes. I won't be getting that for awhile. Although I am getting an extra $2000 on my taxes because an education credit from last semester. But that will be going towards new glasses, a new computer battery, paying back loans, and possibly a passport, well, just because someday I may need it.

Of course, we went into Sephora (there are two at that mall!), and I bought Frozen lemon custard shower gel. It is very light and summery. I also bought a few car air fresheners and a Brazillian passion fruit candle (a small one) at Yankee candle. Because of a $10 gift card I received at work the other day, I only spent $15 at the mall; I was very, very good. There were some cute shirts at Banana Republic, but nothing really looked good on me (or was a little too expensive), so I decided not to buy anything.

Tonight, we're having dinner with my future in-laws. Well, I'm not exactly sure of that yet.

Happy Birthday to my stepfather, Walt! My mom took him to see Wynonna Judd and the Louisville symphony last night and they had a great time...

Oh, can't you see what love has done, what it's doing to me...

It's been a relaxing day, even though I worked from 8:30 until 3:30. Last night was a very fun cake class, even though my cake was very "crumb-y" and it almost fell off the revolving cake stand (oops!). But in the end, as you can see from the pictures from my last journal entry, it turned out very well. And roses are very fun to make. Next week, I plan on making another chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting and strawberry filling.

Anyway, I gave my almost two-week notice to the manager on Monday. She was a little shocked and kind of questioned me, but I really didn't want to say anything, for fear that they would fire me immediately. However, that didn't happen and so my last day is next Thursday. The head teller wanted to know where I was going and reluctantly, I told her. They need me for the next two weeks anyway. After I leave, basically the assistant manager and the head teller will have to work every single Saturday because the manager refuses to work any Saturdays at all. And she is the one who proclaimed that this is retail, therefore we work Saturdays. Apparently, she spends time with her elderly mother all day Saturday (the manager is in her fifties). I'm so glad that I will be out of there in merely a week.

It hasn't gotten warm here yet. But I'm very positive that spring will come soon. And love seems to be blossoming more every day in the Koning-Honaker household. Brian has always accepted me for being myself, this very strange girl who is both vain and un-self-confident at once, who loves all kind of music, who cannot decide what political party she belongs to, and can be very mean and amazingly sweet all in one day. He is so loving, kind, and calm, and I hope that someday I will share his name and have his child. Honestly, I can't tell you when that day will come, but I've got to be patient for now. I rushed into getting married once, and look what happened to that situation. Besides, living with Brian is making me a very happy, elated woman.

He looks a little funny in this picture, but I'm drunk in love with him. Oh, sappy-ness.

A Great Cake!

I'm very happy with the cake I made tonight.

I start my new job on April 2nd!

Next weekend, I'm going to visit Paul in Horsham, PA.

Also, I purchased my ticket for Phoenix today. Yay!

Some librarians are very, very rude, especially the ones at the Marlborough Public Library.

Bonne Nuit, world.

There's nothing like a snowy St. Patrick's Day, with a gorgeous new hair color and free flowers...

I can't even tell you how happy I am to have a new job! Even if it is still a bank job, hence, not the "dream job," it is still a better job, I am sure, than the old one. Pretty much since I got the full-time job at BankNorth, I have not liked it very much. No, it hasn't been terrible or anything, but we are very understaffed (and will be more so with the subtraction of moi), and the staff that are there, besides the headteller and Dottie, who works are Saturdays, are not great to work with. My manager will not learn how to work a teller drawer (apparently it is beneath her), will not work on Saturdays, and is general, snobby. She also has no previous banking experience. The assistant manager is a nice guy, but he is pretty irresponsible and basically doesn't want to work part of the time. I'm pretty sure he wants to quit, too.

Anyway, I've been looking for a new job for a while, and finally, I have one with St. Mary's Credit Union in Marlborough. They are a small bank and only have five branches. I will be working at a branch that is a quarter mile away from me; hence, I will be walking to work most of the time. And there is a Starbucks on the way!! Yay, so I can spend money on coffee and not on gas for my car. Plus, I will get paid more (about a 7% raise) and have three weeks of vacay per year.

Well, anyway, so I'm very euphoric about all that. I'm not sure what will happen when I turn in my resignation letter on Monday. I'm giving BankNorth my two weeks notice, but honestly, they may not let me stay because I am going to a competing bank. However, if this happens, I will just try to start at St. Mary's earlier and possibly go to Pennsylvania to visit Paul next weekend or the week after that. I was going to visit him Easter weekend and take two days off, but I can't really do that once I start a new job. But I know I will get to visit him sometime soon.

Another trip is being planned as well. Abby moved to Scottsdale, Arizona, and I am going to visit her over the Memorial Day Holiday. I've never been to the Southwest and I live to travel, and I really am so excited about seeing Abby. I've been looking up some things to do and there are several museums, lots of shopping, and great Mexican food. Plus, the scenery! Desert sky, dream beneath the desert sky...Now I just need to venture to the Joshua Tree National Park in California.

Well, after a lovely week in weather and a seventy-degree Wednesday, we had a huge snowstorm yesterday. I'm not sure how much snow we got here, but it was over half-a-foot. I worked until 6:30 yesterday and it was a little bad on the roads getting home, but not terrible. Then, Brian and I went to dinner at a place called Lombardo's, which is right across the street. It was a lovely, yummy dinner complete with riesling, bread and cheese, portobello mushrooms, red snapper for me and salmon for Brian, and some delicious risotto. We watched the snow fall on the lovely night of a thousand stars.

Today, I didn't have to work (yay), and I went to get my hair colored and cut. Now I have brown hair again. I stopped at a flower shop on the way home, which is owned by a lady I know who comes into the bank, and bought two gerber daisies and she gave me some tulips and daffodils, gratis. I also bought a cute catfood dish at a pet store for Morgie.

Anyway, today is St. Patrick's Day, and we had two invitations tonight, which is a rarity. The first was to dinner in Boston, which would be really fun on St. Patty's day, but I think we're going out to Spencer to spend time with Keith and Sarah.

It has been a good week.