The Long and Winding Road

It is 7 am on a Sunday; I know I should be asleep in a warm bed next, but I wide awake doing the usual. It's really hard for me to sleep in at all, and I didn't even go to bed until 1 last night. I don't understand this concept. Brian has been asleep since 8:30 (!) last night; I just don't know how he can sleep so long. During my short five-week stint at Starbucks (and I am so glad that I never have to go back), there were times when I would have to be at work at 6:30 am and I could never sleep those nights. I mean, really, could not sleep. I would toss and turn and have to go into the other room and watch TV and I would never find myself tired. The scariest part is that I thought I would end up like Christian Bale's character in "The Machinist," who hasn't slept in a year.
I hate the fact that I still haven't met any people here (except at school, which I will probably drop out of next semester; more to come later). I want to like living here, but it is difficult because my social life (except with Brian) is non-existent. I try to think about my sister-in-law, Sarah, moving around a lot and when she came to Kentucky last year. She seemed to make friends through my brother very easily, plus she is very involved with tennis, so she met a few people through the sport. I miss her and I wish that I was as outgoing and as positive as her all the time.
My hair is constantly making me upset; I had a trim last week at Supercuts (because I don't really know of any places to go around here) and then dyed it darker myself. The blondish/reddish thing was not looking so great anymore. So I am trying this semi-permanent color every four weeks or so from now on until my hair is normal again. This problem reoccurs all the time.
About school: I feel like I am not fully committed to my program in Public History at school, I dread the commute on Mondays and Tuesdays, I feel inferior to my classmates, and I really don't want to take out loans anymore. Even though I have a half-tuition scholarship, it is still too much to pay. I've met some nice people, but they either live in Boston or just too far in general. Mary is the nicest person I met in the program; she went to Brown and lives in Carver. She is getting married in November. She's a lovely person and we have gone to the Isabella Stewart-Gardner museum and have gone out for dinner, etc. There are a few other nice people as well, but if my heart isn't in school, then I can't continue because of them. Also, I have to take this foreign language proficiency exam in Japanese, and I have no possible chance of passing it, at least not this semester.
I'm thinking about getting a job at Fidelity as a customer service representative or working with 401K's, IRA's, etc. I actually really enjoy that kind of thing. I'm going to start sending out resumes after Thanksgiving. I have a bank job as a part-time teller already and I'm making the same rate I made at my former job at Stock yards bank, but I will need to get a full time position, obviously.
Have you ever felt that you don't fit in somewhere? I think I've felt that everyday. Not just here, everywhere. I feel quite isolated at times and misunderstood.

Every journal entry is like a pity party, yet I'm the only one invited.

I miss home, family, friends in Kentucky. And elsewhere.